


Nightmares

by peaches88



Category: Banana Fish
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx and Okumura Eiji Go to Japan, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Blood, Nightmares, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26964910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peaches88/pseuds/peaches88
Summary: Ash and Eiji are finally finished with the events that transpired in New York. After a mutual confession, Eiji and Ash are now living in Japan together, finding enjoyment in simple and peaceful things in their quiet town. Seemingly out of nowhere, however, Eiji starts to experience vivid nightmares of the events that transpired in New York.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 10
Kudos: 196





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first attempt at writing a fanfic, so please bear with me as I get better! Suggestions for prompts/requests are always welcome in the comments! I might make this into a post-NY series, we'll see! I can't imagine that Eiji wouldn't have nightmares post-NY, so this is kinda what I had in mind. This chapter is fairly tame as far as TWs go, but most of my work will have the same levels of TW as the series. This one has blood, panic attacks, and flashbacks of deaths.

Most mornings start the same. Eiji wakes up sharply at 8:00, brushes his teeth, and makes breakfast for he and Ash. Sometimes he throws a morning run into the mix if he wakes up early enough for it. But recently, Eiji’s mornings have been different.

  
Now, his mornings begin with a jolt from sleep, no later than 4:00 am. He wakes up trembling and sweaty, and he has to take several moments to control his breathing. He doesn’t really understand why he has only recently been plagued with nightmares. It has been half a year since he and Ash left New York to start their life in Japan. Why now?

  
Eiji tries to calm himself down in bed. This nightmare was worse than the others had been—usually, his nightmares are centered around “what-if” scenarios. Like, “what-if” Ash hadn’t been found in the library? “What-if” he hadn’t been able to rescue Ash from Golzine’s men? “What-if” Arthur had killed Ash on the train-tracks? The list is never ending. While Eiji finds these scenarios terrifying, he is almost always successful in calming himself down with one look over at Ash. He finds comfort in waking up and knowing that Ash is okay, and that these scenarios are just that—scenarios. They didn’t happen, and they won’t happen. Tonight, however, he dreamt of Shorter. Shorter’s death wasn’t like these other dreams. His death is concrete and immutable, and Eiji has felt responsible for it for months.

  
Eiji stared into the darkness of the room, then closed his eyes hard. He could feel his pulse pounding deafeningly in his head. If he thinks hard enough, he can almost see Shorter’s face above him. He can almost feel the cold, hard floor under his back. He can remember the stinging pain all over his body from the knife wounds. Worst of all is Shorter's expression-so pained and terrified. He can hear laughing from the onlookers, and then a loud, resounding bang. Eiji opens his eyes again, wiping the blood off his face that has been gone for months. He feels just as out of control now as he did in that moment. He can’t slow his breathing and he can’t stop shaking.

  
Ash stirred just a bit, making soft noises as he rolled over. Eiji knew he couldn’t stay in bed like this, or Ash would surely wake up. The last thing he wanted was to make Ash deal with all of this. He was so happy these days, why drag him back to his painful past to deal with this?

  
Careful not to disturb Ash, Eiji quietly untangled himself from the sheets on the bed, which were clinging to his damp skin. He then quietly padded out of the room, gently sliding the door shut behind him.

  
Eiji walked into the kitchen, turning on the stove light. He tried to remember a breathing technique his track coach taught him not long ago. That technique was for athletes trying to control their breathing, but he figured it would work all the same.

  
“I think it was… breathe in for three seconds, exhale for four,” he muttered shakily to himself. He tried this technique for a few moments, but his body seemed to overpower the technique as he was overtaken by tremors. His chest was dully aching, and he felt light-headed.

  
His throat was so dry—it felt like broken glass in his throat when he tried to swallow. With trembling hands, he reached for a drinking glass from the cabinet. Unfortunately, his hands betrayed him the moment he grabbed one. The glass fell to the ground, shattering. His breath hitched in his throat, and he scrambled to pick up the broken glass. He quickly knelt to the ground, grabbing the biggest shards of glass first. The edges were not as dull as he thought they were, and a sharp edge cut his hand open.

  
He winced, staring down at the small pool of blood forming in his palm. The feeling was all too similar to the feelings of the knife wounds he received that night, drawing him into the memories again.

  
Suddenly, he was ripped back into the present as he heard the door to the bedroom slide open. A familiar voice called out, “Eiji? Are you okay?”

  
Taking a deep breath to try and steady the words soon to come, he replied, “Y-yeah! Sorry to wake you. I broke a glass trying to get water, I’ve got it covered.”

  
Ash’s hesitation before responding was telling. Eiji didn’t do a good enough job in steadying his voice. “It’s okay, I’ll help you clean the mess. You can be so clumsy, did you cut your hand?” he asked, walking towards the kitchen.

  
Before Eiji had a chance to respond, Ash was in the small entrance of the kitchen. Noticing the small pool of blood in Eiji’s hand, Ash found a bit more urgency in reaching Eiji, and knelt by his side. He sighed, and took Eiji’s hand, saying, “I should’ve known better, you really are too clumsy. I’ll get the first aid-" Ash paused. Eiji felt Ash hold his hand just a bit tighter. "Eiji, why are you trembling?”

  
Eiji remained silent, keeping his eyes on their hands rather than Ash’s gaze. He could feel Ash’s jade-colored eyes staring, waiting for a response. He wanted to say something, anything; but he couldn’t find any words to come out.

  
“Eiji, what’s wrong? Talk to me. You’re a mess. What happened?”

  
Hearing his concern, Eiji felt his eyes fill with tears, threatening to spill over. This is not what he wanted. He is supposed to be Ash’s rock - his support system. He has been through so much, it felt so selfish to ask him to deal with Eiji. Especially after seeing how happy Ash has been recently.

  
“I-I just had a bad dream. I’m fine,” Eiji said, trying desperately to keep himself together.

  
“Are you, though? You can barely breathe right, this feels like more than a bad dream,” Ash said, his voice uncharacteristically soft. When Eiji failed to respond again, Ash said, “Eiji, look at me.”  
Eiji, for the first time, raised his head to look at Ash. His blonde hair was messy, his green eyes were filled with concern. At this moment, he couldn’t stop the tears. He clutched his chest with his free hand. All he could manage to say in between his tears and labored breath was, “I’m so sorry.”

  
Ash stared, his brows knitted with confusion and concern. He was at a loss of words and had no idea what the right thing was to do. He was particularly concerned with how Eiji was breathing. He was bordering on hyperventilating, and Ash knew the feelings of a panic attack all too well. He wasn’t very good with physical touch, but seeing Eiji so distressed, Ash felt in the moment the first thing Eiji needed was physical comfort. He reached out and took Eiji into his arms, holding him close.

  
“I don’t know what’s going on, but please talk to me. I’m always here for you, I never want it to get this bad.”

  
Eiji hated that Ash had to feel like this on his behalf; however, he couldn’t deny that having him close was calming him down bit by bit. After a few moments of sitting there, Ash pulled away slowly. He looked at Eiji and moved the hair that was damp and stuck to his forehead to the side, then moved his hand onto Eiji’s cheek, catching some of the falling tears.

  
Eiji’s breaths were still labored, but he tried to speak. “I-I don’t want you to deal with me l-like this.”

  
Ash shook his head. “Stop. You know I don’t want you to not tell me when something is bothering you.” He glanced at Eiji’s hand again. The blood at this point had spilled onto the kitchen floor and didn’t show signs of stopping. He then looked back up at Eiji. “Stay right here and try to calm down just a bit. I’m going to grab the first aid kit to fix up your hand, okay?”

  
Eiji nodded wordlessly, accepting that Ash wouldn’t let him keep everything to himself at this point.

  
“Okay. Try and control your breathing by timing your inhales and exhales,” Ash called, already rummaging through the cabinets.

  
“I already tr-tried that,” Eiji called back, feeling slight panic bubble back up in his chest when he realized his efforts to calm himself down have been fruitless.

  
Ash was already on his way back to Eiji’s side, sitting on the ground with a small white box. “That’s okay, don’t worry about it. We can just focus on one thing at a time. Let’s first focus on your hand,” Ash said, opening the box and pulling gauze out. He took Eiji’s hand very gently and began cleaning the wound. “Eiji, I want you to synchronize your breathing with mine.”

  
Eiji nodded, keeping his eyes on Ash’s chest as he worked silently on Eiji’s hand. After a few minutes, his breathing had returned to somewhat normal levels, and Ash had wrapped Eiji’s hand up.

  
Ash looked up, and asked, “How are you feeling now?”

  
Eiji lifted his bandaged hand and held it in his uninjured hand. “I’m feeling a lot better. I’m sorry.”

  
Ash frowned. “Stop apologizing. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Do you want to talk about your dream tonight?”

  
Eiji held his breath, considering. The answer was probably no, he didn’t feel like it, but at the same time, Ash made him feel so much better tonight.

  
“Eiji, breathe please,” Ash said, gently scolding.

  
Eiji released the breath he forgot he was holding, a small smile forming at Ash’s comment. He then looked at Ash. “To be honest, I’m afraid to talk about it. I don’t want to make things harder for you. You’ve been through so much.”

  
Ash shook his head, and said, “If that’s the only reason, it’s not good enough. If it’s too much to deal with, we can go to sleep and talk when you’re ready. But if you’re holding onto this for my sake, I want you to talk about it. Let me help you.”

  
Eiji sighed, considering Ash's words. He swallowed, and then nodded. “Okay. Let’s talk.”

  
Ash quickly cleaned the blood and glass off of the kitchen floor, refusing to let Eiji help despite his protests (“I don’t want you to cut both of your hands! How will you make us that stinky natto if your hands are messed up?”). After that, he and Eiji walked to the bedroom and sat on the bed together.

  
Eiji was still nervous but started explaining. “Okay.... Well, I have been having nightmares for the past few weeks. It’s usually about if things had gone…” Eiji paused, then continued, “differently. Like if you hadn’t been found at the library.” Eiji was afraid to look at Ash, so he kept his eyes low, on his hands, where he was pulling at his nails. “Usually I can calm myself down just fine, but tonight was different. I was dreaming about what happened to Shorter.” Eiji felt his eyes fill with tears again. He and Ash rarely talked about Shorter. Eiji felt like it wasn’t his place to talk about him. “And I’ve never apologized. I’m so, so sorry. If I had been stronger, or if I had been more like you, I might have been able to stop them from hurting him.” His voice shook as he spoke, and the tears began falling.

  
He couldn’t look at Ash. He didn’t know what kind of expression was waiting for him. He closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears. Suddenly, he felt a soft touch to his face. Ash cupped his cheek, and gently pulled his head upwards.

  
“Eiji… I didn’t know you felt this way. Shorter didn’t blame you for what happened, and I don’t either. I never have,” Ash said, smiling sadly. He wiped Eiji’s tears with his thumb, and gently pulled him in to hug him. Eiji rested his head on Ash’s shoulder, feeling like a weight was off of his chest. He felt like he could breathe again.

  
Ash pulled away and held Eiji’s hand. “No more hiding things like that. Always wake me up.”

  
Eiji smiled, wiping the remaining tears, and then laughed. “Always wake you up, huh? How about we get up tomorrow at 8:00 and go for a morning run?”

  
Ash frowned and looked defiantly to the side. “I take it back. We’re definitely sleeping in.”

  
Eiji made a face. “Come on! Don’t tell me you can’t manage a little morning jog!”

  
Ash looked at him, and then began to tickle him. Eiji laughed, swatting playfully at his hands. Ash rolled Eiji over on his back and sat on top of him. With his smile still remaining, Ash leaned down and gave Eiji a soft kiss.

  
A light blush spread across Eiji’s face as Ash pulled away. Ash laughed when he noticed Eiji’s blush, then got off of Eiji and laid down beside him. “Let’s sleep in today, okay?”

  
Eiji pulled himself closer to Ash, resting his head on Ash’s chest as Ash wrapped an arm around him. Eiji closed his eyes. He only just realized how heavy his eyelids felt. He listened to Ash's heartbeat, the rhythm feeling like a lullaby.

  
“Okay.”


End file.
